


Life After Death

by scenarioliars



Category: Naruto
Genre: Character Study, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, does it even count as character study?, fuck konoha and the shinobi system
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 15:53:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20744774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scenarioliars/pseuds/scenarioliars
Summary: Kakashi had always known death. It followed him like a close friend, always peeking over his shoulder, catching him when he least expected it.Or, at least, it used to.





	Life After Death

Kakashi had always known death. It followed him like a close friend, always peeking over his shoulder, catching him when he least expected it.

Or, at least, it used to.

Now, however, it’s different. Now, death doesn’t follow Kakashi as it once did. It stays at a distance- always in his mind, but never at the forefront. 

It’s Iruka’s fault, certainly. It was he who taught Kakashi that it was okay to be nonlethal, that carrying death on his back constantly was a burden rather than an efficient means of combat. It took longer than it probably should have- no surprise for the man who was raised to be a weapon from birth- but Kakashi learned, as he always did. Iruka was a kinder teacher to him than to his students, surprisingly enough. He showed him how to restrain an opponent without killing him, how to grasp his wrists in his hands and render him immobile without pain, how to find gentleness in strength. 

It was almost peaceful, Kakashi thought, pushing the other man up against the wall, mouth finding its way to his neck. Iruka was patient with him. He was patient, understanding during the times Kakashi stilled, unable to find his breath. It was hard to overcome a lifetimes worth of training, to remember that this was not an enemy beneath him, that this was not someone he had to harm. 

He was lucky, really- though Kakashi never did much believe in luck, doing what he did- to have met someone like Iruka. Someone who retained so much kindness even in the face of betrayal, someone who treated everyone as an equal despite how he grew up. How could anyone else handle the person he had become? 

It’s not as though he had any choice, turning into what he did. He was used from the start, seen not as a child but as a weapon, a tool to be manipulated by those in power however they saw fit. To them, Kakashi was not a person- to them, he had no being beyond utter destruction. 

To find someone who could look at him with anything beyond distrust, to treat him as an individual, as someone who deserved gentleness- it was almost unheard of. How could someone with such goodwill even glance at someone like him?

That wasn’t self-deprecation, either, at least not in Kakashi’s mind. Rather, it was a fact of life. It wasn’t right for a weapon to be looked at in such a tender way, to be treated with such affection.  
He had to be reminded, sometimes, that he was human. Kakashi felt it when he was with his team, helping to shape his kids into the ninja they wanted so desperately to be. He felt it, too, when he was with his peers, with people like Gai who were so individualistic that it was hard to feel empty around them.

However, it was harder on his own, when the apathy set in amongst the darkness of his room. Iruka helped, brought in light where it was needed. He helped him remember who he was, that he was a person beyond the trauma of his past, beyond the pain of his memories. It was…nice, to know that there was someone who saw him as he was.

He thanked him as he knew best, not with words, but with actions. Lingering touches beyond casual flirting. Staying late in the office after hours, waiting for him. Stolen moments alone in the bedroom.   
He wasn’t quite sure how to express his gratitude to someone who had done so much for him, despite the insufferable nature of his personality. He didn’t know exactly how to communicate how he felt, truly, to the man who kept such kindness in the face of a world that didn’t seem to care for anybody, really. Kakashi was never one for genuine thanks and honest emotions; but for Iruka, he thought, he may as well try.

**Author's Note:**

> so basically i dont know how to write anything besides weird vaguely lyrical short stories. read a line from kakashi novel and it spiraled into this idea that wouldnt stop bothering me until i wrote it. it's also a late birthday gift for mr hatake himself; i hope i did him justice :')


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